I imagine many RYPN regulars can directly relate to what this young man went through.

Much of his story reminds me of myself and many other friends of my age group, who had an easier time making friends with adults than other kids when it came to trains, industry and preservation.

Rob

Far too many people only relate through technology these days. Today’s youngsters do need community involvement whether it is after school activities, railroad groups, Church, Mosque, Synagogue ex… ex… and make shore to limit texting and electronic interactions. We should also rase awareness of suside and suicide prevention and what help is available. This is truly a tragic loss, and my thoughts are with the family.

We should also teach them to spell or at least use Spellcheck.

2B fair much of tat wud end if celphons let us type >140 charctrs pr txt.

>;-D

OK, I exaggerate. But it's the teacher's and editor's job to beat good writing, spelling, and grammar into folks, not the rail guys. Let's not conjure up excuses to turn off the future generations of volunteers. Some of the names I trust most in this field and others don't necessarily have a good handle on spelling.

This is a part of the tribute to 13 year old Alex Frye from Union Pacific and BNSF at noon today in Cheyenne. It was very moving to hear the sounds from two yards echoing across the city, and shows just how important little Alex was to his friends and fellow railfans around Cheyenne.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jS5d5ECO ... er&list=UL

Mike Pannell

I'm sorry to interrupt the big public-service-announcement about "teenage suicide don't do it", but I think everyone who is concerned with railfan suicide needs to watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16kCRTFJr04

Did you watch it? Good. Because the takeaway point is that there are lots of ways to get killed around trains without meaning to. It's an avocational hazard of being a railfan, or just being around trains generally.

And so I get nervous when I hear like "apparent" or "probably" attached to "suicide" in a railfan death. Unless there is a smoking gun, i.e. an actual suicide note stating specific intent -- I hold out the probability that it could just as easily be a plain accident.

I fear that "suicide" could get called by a policeman who sees a lot of them (why else would a youth journey some distance to be near fast trains after all), and this lazy slander gets a life of his own, as family/friends find evidence of perfectly normal teen angst and inflate it into the "warning signs" they never saw.

Like I say I don't have insider data into this case, and I hope I haven't offended anyone by saying this. I just know that if I died by accident and my survived are going around calling it a suicide, I would feel horrible at being remembered in such a way. No, I would not want to be the "poster child" for something I had nothing to do with.

The news is reporting it as a suicide, but so far, I have heard no news report of any direct evidence that it was suicide. I mean no disrespect. The news saddens me, because I can relate to Alex. But I must say that I am highly skeptical of this bullying explanation as being the ultimate cause of this tragedy. There is just way too much official empowerment that has begun coalescing around the dangers of bullying lately.

Robert,

You post a fair question and fair defense to Alex. Unfortunately, and we need not discuss the details of the findings, the case is clearly a suicide by choice. Though Alex was found on UP property, he was not struck by a train, nor was there any possibility of this being the case.

In a conversation with Alex's step sister this evening after the funeral we spoke in depth about the bullying issue. It is sad to say, but here in Cheyenne we have a few rougher schools, in a rougher area of town. We have a number of children in broken homes that suffer abuse (mental and physical) lack of parents (both or either) and rely heavily on State assistance for food and other basic essentials. To say the least, we have some hard problems here to work on.

In this discussion we have heard things like; Alex had a mental deficiency. (false), Bullying was not a factor (false), maybe there were other factors (possible). The end result is;

We have one less very inteligant, very kind, very polite young man in our community and in our clubs. Regardless of why, or what or how, there was NOTHING, I mean NOTHING in this case that was not fixable. The challenge we face in this instance is that a very permanant solution was applied to a very temporary problem.

If there is a lesson to be had (and I realize we will never solve this 100%) we need to help the youth understand that no matter how bad it may be, we have answers, there are solutions and nothing can be so bad that taking your own life is the only answer.

I plead with anybody reading; If you feel like this is your only option.....talk to somebody. If you have nobody, send me a note, I will listen. We simply need not endure this again.

That said, the funeral for Alex was held today. It was well attended. So well attended that people were turned away 20 minutes prior to the start of the service. The service was well run and love and appreciation was extended to the railfan community for the support, love and dedication shown to Alex and the family. Post funeral, a second service was held at the Cheyenne Depot where friends and family gathered for dinner and social time. Many, many people attended the post funeral gathering.

What now?

The hard part about life is that we must move on. It is time to move on. It has been a hard week for so many of us. I have a large cast iron plaque hanging in front of me right now, in front of my desk titled, Press On. I read it when I have hard days, hard minutes and hard hours. The plaque and the words there on ring true right now. It is indeed time to Press On. Though we say good-bye to Alex and though we will miss him; it is time for us to Press On in the work we do as we strive to make our world a better place.

Press On, Alex.

Press On, Railfans.

Always yours,

JohnE.

John,

I would like to let you know how much it saddens me to hear of the loss of your friend Alex. As you said yes it is time to "Press on". but don't ever forget your friend. I would like to share with you a few personal thoughts. When I was Alex's age I also was experiencing bulling, There was a teacher at my school who was the founding member of a new organization who became my friend. He invited me to get involved with this group called the Fort Wayne Railroad Historical Society, Skip has now been a good friend of mine for 38 years. That got me involved with not only the NKP 765 but also the American Freedom Train and other Bi-centennial events and gave me the strength to make it through those very tough years, to "Press on".

Secondly, years after that I became a police officer and saw the tragic side of those who did not have a friend to step in and provide that safety net. Sadly there were others who just missed the safety net that others tried to provide. The most difficult call I ever responded to was a teenage boy who died in my arms from a suicide. I still think about him often, but still "Press on".

Third, depression, despair and the general feeling that there is no hope know no age, gender, racial or any other boundaries. I have another friend who I spent the entire night up with on 3 separate occasions to keep him from taking his own life. We got him through it and he continues to "Press on".

To sum this up on my feelings, we all will at times feel the influence of this type of situation or know someone going through something totally overwhelming. I know what it feels like to have a friend who was there to help. I know the feeling when what you did was too little to late to help and what it feels like to be the one who is the friend who made a difference. There are also times when some of the little things that we do that we will never know about when we give someone the courage to "Press on".

This has been a tragic thing to happen. John I know you will never forget Alex, but remember that tomorrow there may be another person who will be sent across your path who will need that courage to "Press on" and to everyone else who reads this keep this all in mind and be sure to preserve the best part of railroading The people.

I've debated replying for a while. Let me at least say I can only work off of my own life's experiences, but I don't think I am all that unique. I'll spare you all a sob story, but while I may not have walked in his shoes, I am pretty sure I was wearing the same brand he did.

First, I can tell you for a fact there are at least two kinds of 'suicide'. There are definitely those who 'play' suicide. I had a GF who was one of those-it became plain when she tried a 'suicide' that I was very sure wasn't even harmful, let alone fatal. Instead of giving her attention, I simply told her 'yeah, that's 100% fatal' and walked out of the house and went on a road trip (no cell phone back then at least for me). I came back to find a real mess, she found the attention without my help, but suffice to say she went into a panic because I convinced her that she was going to die and that was never her intent. The 'good' news is that if you have someone like this in your life, you are probably NOT struggling to realize that person is troubled. The bad news is that they and everyone around them are miserable, and their attempts can have long term mental and physical health issues, and legal issues. Take my advice and get this person strong psychological help ASAP at any cost.

Alex seems to be another kind-he knew what he was doing was permanent. And there was no 'cry for help', in fact if he was like me, he meticulously avoided giving any sign of his troubles. How many here know how completely humiliating it is to be that unpopular and bullied? When you find yourself accepted and appreciated, it's such a pleasant escape that you might not even think about the other troubles-at least not till Sunday night or Monday morning and the panic sets in-back to 'hell' you go. Your only sign was probably in that he never talked about school or friends-of course you didn't have to stretch 'too far' to know this young 'railnerd' wasn't exactly the quarterback on the football team. I would go so far as to say he wasn't 'mental' at all-just logical. He made what is a basically sane decision based on the info he had. When I was his age-I could see no end at all, I assumed my entire life would be like that. And when I made it to Jr/Middle/High school, it was in fact getting worse at an alarming rate. Imagine looking forward to living another 70 years of worsening hell when the last 13 were nearly unbearable!! When I was his age-lets just say my pent up anger and rage was such if that I had done something, it wasn't going to be anything halfway. Lucky I made it though a few more years to find some ways to cope-which for me, in part, was to simply drop out of school and move on with my life.

Which brings me here-'what could we have done different? what did we miss!?', well my suggestion is that someone he trusts needs to pull him aside and ask a few hard questions, let him know that this has an end (other then death) and he can move on with his life past school to be happy. Maybe let him know he is promising and bright and that you would look into hiring him as an apprentice when he's 18. Don't put any conditions on it 'if you keep your grades up!'. In the end try to give him some hope for his future, because that is what he is lacking. Let him know you will listen to his problems-just someone he can decompress on. Of course you have to 'do what you have to do' in the moment, but I would say to be REAL SURE if you decide to alert his parents/cops/school of what he tells you-even if it's bad-my way of dealing with the mental health professionals/parents/school was to just give them the answers they wanted to hear-I wasn't the least bit interested in having more people in my life tell me how screwed up I was. They quickly left me alone, then I made sure to NEVER let on again.

Some of you will think something like 'it's not my job, I'm not his parent!', well, if you don't/can't/won't help the kid-that's fine. Frankly some people should never try to step in, and would do more harm then good. For the rest-just remember a passive approach may not do a thing, it will take an active approach based on trust and discreteness.

Robert