Over the years, I’ve learned to value this forum above most others as a place to come for some good advice from people in the railroad preservation industry. So, here I am, asking for advice.Railroad preservation isn’t just a hobby to me. It’s my life. If the pay wasn’t so lousy it’d be my career. I work at the newspaper to support my real career. I routinely buy stuff costing up to a couple hundred dollars for SCRM with my own money and never turn in a receipt for reimbursement. A sizeable portion of the artifacts on display in Rockton are from my personal collection. Some pieces in my collection have been bought to fill holes in the SCRM displays.And yet, I get a lot of complaints.I like to think that I’m a reasonable man — my opinions can be swayed by sound logic. If somebody proves me wrong, I admit I was wrong, and if the argument is convincing enough I will sometimes even become an advocate of what I was originally opposed to. I’m usually willing to compromise in any case.Now, finally, to my question:Am I the problem?I admit that I can be an opinionated SOB at times. But I also tend to give to the organization up to and even beyond my means. Is it wrong to want to influence the organization’s direction in return for that? Am I imagining things when it seems like anybody can find fault with what I do, but when I find fault with someone else, I’m “endangering the Museum,” “causing dissention,” and “trying to split the group?”Am I doing something wrong? If so, what?

DearSCRM,Perhaps if you tell people why you are doing what you do!A while back you talked about painting cars in their historic color schemems. This is correct for a museum. But you might show people the ARM paper work or something from the Society for the Preservation of State and Local History in Nashville.Railroad museums are more than a train ride in old time equipment. History is names and dates, explaining the why of the names, dates and artifacts is also very important.Also, I hope you are keeping good records of what is yours and what is the museums. That is a pit fall for a lot of organizations.I hope you are having a good summer down there!Historic preservation is both my job and my hobby. I am lucky that way; but be cereful what you do with the two.Ted Miles

Matt;Some folks here may know your situation in person; I would imagine they will contact you in private rather in a public forum like this. The rest of us can only comment on your situation in general.It sounds like you are a big "mover and shaker" in organization. I know from your work on the Park Trains website and egroup that you are passionate about your interest in trains; some my earliest pictures for my Surviving World Steam Locomotive CD-ROM came from you.When comes to non-profits in general (railroad museums, churches, whatever); their general makeup seems to be a core group (maybe even one individual) who gets the job done, while the others stand around and watch and comment. For example, I am delighted the Independence Seaport Museum rallied around the removal of the steam machinery from the steam ferry Elizabeth, and made it happen. But for awhile at least; that project was the vision of one person; and he preserved againist every problem that came up until it came to past.I don't think it is unusual that as one of those making things happen that you would become a lightning rod of sorts. I would guess that some of your loudest critics are those that stand on the sideline and couldn't be counted on to fill the gap should you decide to pull out.I believe that when you find yourself in that situation, you need to ask yourself two questions:

Would the organization be better off with or without me? Your museum has a mission statement and/or goal that goes beyond who the current members are. If you scaled your efforts back or left altogether, would those goals be advanced, or set back?

Is it worth it to you? As you mention; this is a "hobby gone mad" if you will, and not a career. Even it was a career, you have to ask yourself is the time and money you are sacrificing worth the personnel satisfaction it gives you. I think this is especially important if it is taking you away from family and perhaps other causes that may be better served instead.

I think the fact that you would stick your neck on a public forum and ask such a question shows that you have the museum's interest in mind and not your own. I would think that you are able to look at it all rationally, and make the right decision. Just keep the goals and/or mission statement of the museum as well as your own personal goals at the forefront, and not your critics.Best of luck in whatever you decide; it sounds like the SCRM will lose out on a big asset should you decide to scale back or pull out completely.-James Hefner Hebrews 10:20a Surviving World Steam Project

You will never be able to please 100% of the people 100% of the time. But, if you're not trying, you're not getting anything done.There are 5% (or less) of people in this world you get things done, 5% who follow leaders, 5% who talk about following leaders, and that leaves 85% to bitch about why something was done this way or not. It seems to be human nature.Also - in this new era in America of it's not my fault and take no responsibility, I praise people who take charge and try to get something done.Groups and group make-ups go up and down. Try to stop the talk about this person or that person and try to steer discussions about this type of roof coating or that type of roof coating. You will be better off.

Matt:You've asked some good questions and its good food for thought for the small minority of people who tend to be organization drivers. I've learned a few lessons which have taught me to never again volunteer in any organization.1) You will never please everyone. Can't say much more than that. You may have great ideas and the background to support it, but if enough people disagree, it makes little difference.2) Its not yours. Most volunteer organizations and projects do not belong (ownership) to anyone doing the work. You can put your life into something and just about anyone can come along and screw it up on you (other well meaning volunteers or perhaps the owner). There is nothing you can do about that either. I'm talking about hardware projects (locomotives, machinery, whatever) and business practices (good accounting for example, proper image control, and such). 3) If you are not being paid, then its supposed to be fun, or at least enjoyable. One must enjoy being the driver behind projects, organizations, and miscellaneous efforts associated with a museum. If the fun goes away, then that's a sign of a problem.4) Friendship. After I quit, people I had not spoken to in years turned out to be much better friends than the people I worked with often at the museum that I thought were friends. Don't be blind to old friends you have not seen because you are spending so much time at the Museum. Listen to them first. Listen to the people you work with at the museum second. Since leaving the group I was with, I have rediscovered old friends, only work on my own projects or those of my friends, have done much better at work, and recently remarried (OK that last one may not apply to everyone!). Life is good. So to go to your specific questions….."Am I the problem?" I can only read between your lines, and I have some thoughts since it sounds like you are where I was a year ago. Maybe you can learn from my experiences. If you like, email me at jrmay@monmouth.com and we can go over it without being in public.By the way, thanks for asking the question. It’s a good one that I am sure more than one of us on line here can relate too.J.R. MayFormer Trustee and Former Chairman of the Board

Mat - if nobody is complaining you aren't getting anything done. Better to be productive than popular, and enjoy the objections as fruits of your ability to get done what others couldn't. The thing most people will find most difficult to forgive in you is success. Keep working to do what you think needs to be done, while being flexible, evolutionary, and comfortable with gray areas. Aim for rational rather than emotional decisions and motivations, and you won't go far wrong. Pleased to respectfully arm wrestle with you about over-upgrading the R&R and making it not a quarry line any more, and running the biggest Canadian transit museum in South Carolina if you want - but the line is getting upgraded and trains from somewhere are running, sort of. Would you rather we agreed on everything and nothing got accomplished in the process? Not that those are mutually exclusive conditions, BTW........Do good work.dave

One thing that too many organizations cultivate over time is an "in group" and an "out group". The "innies" get all the inside information, first crack at memorabilia that is put up for dispersemnt, and all of the credit when things go right. The "outties" get no information until after the fact, or when it is too late to make a difference. The "outties" are rebuffed with statements like, "Where were you when the decision was made?", and often, it would have made no difference if they were present, since the "innies" already decided! When things go south, the "outties" are credited with not showing any interest or care. So how does one tell if they are culpable of creating this polarized atmosphere in a museum or historical society?? When you hear responses like, "Well only a moron would do that!" or "That's just dumb!". One of my favorites is "Put your money where your mouth is!" Another is, "Why don't you just shut up!" I am not asserting that this has happened in Matt's case, nor am I implying that this situation exists at SCRRM, but I have been a short term member in civic, church, and social organizations, some involving railroad preservation where these attitudes have evolved and been tolerated. There is no point in hanging around, since all the enjoyment one can garner is being criticised and ignored. My two cents. RDG

THAT isn't going to happen. I decided a long time ago that I would NEVER quit. That would be letting my enemies win, and I'm stubborn enough and egotistical enough to find that far more distasteful than any torture they can come up with. There are only two things that will disentangle me from SCRM now -- my own death or my enemies finding a reason to forceably kick me out. I like to think that I'm smart enough to avoid giving them an excuse for the latter. I'm only 36 so barring an accident the former should be some time off, as well.No, my problem is one of self-doubt. Am I really the good guy here? Like in the movie "Falling Down." All through the movie, Michael Douglas thinks he's the hero -- but he's really the villian. When people start really fighting you, it's wise to step back and look at why. Either they're wrong, or you are. I think that I'm on the side of Good and not Evil... but when you're down dukeing it out sometimes the sides can shift and you lose track.As for Richard Glueck's comment about the in crowd -- that's exactly why I asked my question. Yeah, I'm one of the hard-core volunteers. Am I part of an in-clique? I've been accused of that and I find it very hard to believe, since all my life I've been one of those "outsiders."And yet, I've heard myself saying a few of those comments Richard listed, and believeing them. There's the root of the self-doubt right there. Is there such a thing as a dumb idea?A "discussion" a few years ago centered around a single comment that a newcomer was getting tired of hearing - "We tried that and it didn't work." This person and their supporters accused many long-time members, me included, of resisting "new" ideas and trying "new" things. These folks (who I thought were actually the clique) accused us of being a clique."Just because it didn't work then doesn't mean it won't work now."More self-doubt. I think it's a bad idea because (all together now) "we've already tried it and it didn't work!" But am I resisting new people's ideas? Does that make me part of a clique? If we try it again, the worst that could happen is we'd waste a lot of time and energy. I think those are pretty bad things to waste for an organization with precious few volunteers -- but am I wrong?You see my dilemma.Most of y'all seem to have come down on the side that I'm on the right track (pun intended). I'm still not convinced. Maybe I never will be. Maybe it's good that I never will be.My brain hurts. I'm going to bed.

After many years as a volunteer in various churches, at the trolley museum and a paid stint as executive director of an arts organization I learned a neat way to work with a "new" idea to which I normally respond "we've already tried that". I refrain from jumping in and shutting off the thought process of the suggestor and instead ask some "what if" questions to help him/her clarify the suggestion and the problem that she/he is trying to solve. It is not an easy thing to do on my part, but it often works to either redirect the efforts of the person making the suggestion (whew!), or sometimes solve the old problem that didn't work (gasp!).Hang in there, Matt.Wesley

Matt, I have a little desk sign sitting in front of me that says, "Criticism is something you can avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." It's author was the Scottish Earl Keith. It once sat on the desk of the Chaplain of the United States Senate, Rev. Dr. Edward L.R. Elson, and was given to me by his daughter after his death.I have been actively involved in several Scottish orgnizations over the years, including three years as U.S. Chairman of my clan. As in your museum, 10% of the people do 90% of the work, leaving others with the time to criticize. That being said, if someone comes up with a new idea tht you don't think will work, but don't want to discourage them, ask them to take charge and make it happen while you support their efforts. These ideas sometimes work out to everyone's benefit, and you get a new "worker bee" for your organization.

Apparently I didn't go to bed soon enough -- I overslept this morning! ;o)Heh heh. "I tried that and it didn't work!" :o) Seriously, I did think of that approach. It was interpereted as another of Richard's clique comments -- "put your money where your mouth is." Hence my impression that I can never seem to win, everybody's out to get me, etc. etc. etc.

I've been watching this thread and cautiously thinking about if I can give an understandable opinion to your situation. I've been in those trenches myself and I agree with Mr Mays post from yesterday. His four points basically said it all. I don't know if your trustees, etc are elected or appointed. There have been many arguments whether "absolute monarchys" run better in these settings vs "participatory elections, etc". That topic has been battered around forever without any appreciable evidence either way. Stress management courses dictate "Don't sweat the small stuff, because it's ALL small stuff". Easier said than done. But when this becomes an obsession in lieu of a hobby can really cause problems. By no means think that your dilemma is a unique one. Not a chance! I'm sure that many people viewed your thread(s) and were quite taken back by your openness. I also have some personal thoughts that may not be quite in line with this sites objectives. Therefore I also would ask you to contact me if you desire at rev66@optonline.net. In any event, I wish you luck. Rich O.

'Tis a brave man who asks personal advice of complete strangers, Matt - or a foolish one ;)Seriously, it takes a lot of courage to open yourself up as you did, twice. So you deserve more than platitudes, and it's obvious you want a different perspective.Yes. Unequivocally, Yes. It's wrong.A gift is a gift, and should be offered with no strings attached. If you want to put conditions on your gifts or loans to the organization, they should be clear up front, not after the fact. Let's make up an example. If I were head of a group and one of the volunteers hit me with "Since I bought this month's coal, I'm running the engine," I'd tell him to take a hike for trying to blackmail the organization. (Okay, maybe blackmail is too harsh a word, but the coal is not a "gift" at that point - it's a bargaining chip.)Matt, read this again, from the perspective of someone who's never met you. You describe a battle of "good and evil" with your "enemies" who "torture" you, a battle that is "your life." If you were to happen upon a discussion board about online gaming, or politic, or collecting Cabbage Patch Kids, and read similar comments, what would your opinion of the poster be?Clearly something is wrong. And just as clearly, you're only a part of the conflict. But you ARE part of the problem. (That's not an indictment, it's acknowledgement of reality. Any time my wife and I fight, I am part of the problem. Some times I'm 5%, some times I'm 95%. OK, smart guys, no wife jokes here ;) ) So what's your goal - to end the battle, or to win the battle? The two are not always the same. Occasionally a tactical retreat now means winning later.I don't know the history or the structure of SCRM's governance, so I won't offer advice on how to proceed. But I will offer that doing something differently - anything - is a start. Maybe it's as simple as being willing to try something again that failed once. Maybe it's changing your perspective, and looking at others as something other than "enemies." (I heartily suggest the latter, if only to preserve your own mental health and blood pressure.)Maybe changing is equivalent to admitting defeat, and you can't bring yourself to do either. But I doubt it - you wouldn't have started this thread, would you?Good luck.JAC

Sitting on the other side of the world (Australia), the one part of this thread that really worried me was JR's commentMatt, you have saidwhich is raising for me the BURNOUT warning light. I've seen many collegues in this hobby and others end up like JR. I'f I'm reading the signs correctly I would encourage you to either take a break or to scale back and devote perhaps just a small part of your "spare" time to some other interest to inject a bit of work-life balance because what seems to be happening is that you are working two full time jobs (one unpaid).My reason for saying all this is that a few years ago, as unpaid leader of a major rail heritage operation (250,000 passengers pa, running steam 364 days a year, with a fleet of 10 steam locos) undergoing some organisational strain I felt a bit like you did. Had I continued at the same way I might have ended up like JR. Instead I scaled back my involvement just slightly (from 3-4 days a week to 2-3 days), recommenced my involvement in another totally unrelated hobby I'd dropped may years earlier and have now get renewed satisfaction from my achievements on the 2 or 3 rail days each week.