My condolences to the family and my prayers as well.

I’m an adult and most people who learn that I LOVE trains STILL look at me as weird. I have always been a “Nerd” and I don’t apologize, I can do things that most people can’t even understand, EVEN after I slowly explain it.

Hopefully we can help our young folks to take pride in what they can DO and not how they look (or act), “judge by the content of the character, not the color of the books cover”.

Hopefully we can get closer to a Live and Let Live world as things seemed to be in the past.

A tragedy that I hope we do not see again.

Sadly, Kevin

Make no mistake, we live in a society FAR more accepting of divergent views than ever before in US history.
To think the past was better in that (and many other) regards, is to gloss over the intolerant past. People are people, they always were and always will be.
Sorry, but I get really tired of people thinking the past was such a better time when any student of history can show you oodles of reasons why it wasn't any better.

I believe someone told me one time that some things in the past were better but even though the times change, people don't.

P51, Thank you for posting what you did, I lived some similar experiences a decade or so earlier. The way I was treated by NRHS members at the time is one of the reasons I am still a loyal member in spite of all of the ups and downs, the problems, and the political fights I've put up with since. In a very real sense, many of the people in my Chapter, and other folks I have met because of the organization are family to me.

The loss of young Alex is a tragedy. But at the same time, having met and become friends with some wonderful young people like Aaron, Justin, and Martin is a victory. John, keep up the good work. Let us all pray for Alex's family.

Dear P51;

Who wrote; “Make no mistake, we live in a society FAR more accepting of divergent views than ever before in US history.”

In light of this tragic occurrence in Wyoming; I will choose not to engage in this discussion at this time.

Again, my prayers and condolences to the family of this young man.

Sadly, Kevin.

That's true for the most part. There's an old quote I've heard, "war never changes". While the times do change, the base components remain the same. Instead of fighting for things like gold or land (as was seen through the colonial powers like Spain and England), we fight to ensure safety of others. Bullying fits into the same mold; years ago it was about one's size or his glasses (in other words one's appearence). That has declined, but now it's about one's interests and their status as a "nerd". I've never seen anything saying being smart is a societial taboo, but insures that one will succeed (as is the case with people like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Ross Rowland, James J. Hill, Howard Hughes, George S. Patton, Henry Ford, Dick Dillworth and countless others). Yet regardless of the benefit that intellegence gives to people, there is always someone to criticize others over that gift. It's contradictory, yet a part of life. Even though Alex is no longer with us, his accomplishments and the friendships that he forged ensures that he was successful. And on another note, success is defined by the individual and if they are happy with what they've done. Money doesn't define success, but individual definition does.

Leaving aside whatever aspects of tragedy this certainly unfortunate person experienced that made him decide to end his life......since none of us really know what they might have been. ....and the encouragement of prayer after the fact, which certainly is of no useful purpose apart from providing us who didn't even know him with a socially acceptable means to believe we are contributing to something positive......

yes, we are gaining in tolerance in may ways, losing in others, and losing touch more and more with a wider community of our neighbors. We no longer share the streets with our neighbors, sit outside on porches along well traveled sidewalks and speak with pedestrians across postage-stamp sized front lawns as our neighbors walk home from the streetcar stop, hang out in neighborhood bars sharing stories and watching the fights on a B&W analog TV........

we drive home in an air conditioned cocoon, into a garage whose door is opened at the touch of a button, enter another cocoon protected against any intrusion by any others, insulated from closest neighbors by large lawns that no longer even include sidewalks since nobody walks any more.....

you want to make a difference? Defy suburbia. Know your neighbors, refuse to drive to shop in sprawl, and patronize local small merchants. Insist your city planners build on small lots, around public access shared spaces, include pedestrian rather than automotive amenities, and GET TO KNOW YOUR NEIGHBORS! Other wise, you will never be in a position to do other than react to this kind of situation with a faux-proactive call for too late supernatural intercession.

This is the world we made for ourselves. Fix it or learn to live with it.

Nerds rock.

dave

I can empithize with this young railfan as I was bullied quite a lot durring High School and even the first part of college for my love of trains. I was called a lot of things because it was viewed as "Nerdy" or "geeky". The cold hard truth is that no matter what people want to think about our "young people", they can be just as cruel and relentless as ever.
Even though some wonderful life lessons can be learned, and a career made (machineist, welder, etc) from time spent in the shops to track work to hireing on with a Class 1....young railfans are forced to "keep it in the closet" when it comes to their piers (for the most part).
IMHO the biggest thing we can do is let them know that they are not alone. There are other young railfans, some who are even in the "Cool crowd". Most of us younger guys in the business went through this, and know what it's like.

To the family of Alex, and his friends (John). It's not your fault that this happened. I send on my thoughts and prayers to you all. I think that talking about what may or may not have caused this is a good thing, but not here or now. Because right now we all need to be here for the Family and his friends. Let us not argue about weather or not people are more or less tolerant....let us just try to not let this happen again.

Thoughts and prayers to the Family and Friends,

Brett
www.armyrailroader.org

I certainly feel sympathy and send my deepest condolences to the family of this young man.

However, as a professional educator, working in a middle-class, suburban school district, I can assure you, we have in place more programs and "interventions" than ever before. My fear though, and I mean this not in an insensitive way but rather as a social commentary, we are going too far to ensure everyone's "needs" are met. The suggestion made of "talking to a young person" is certainly valid, but their is a fine line between feeling "appreciated" vs. "special." In fact, too many of my students feel "special." The current generation suffers from a narcissm to the likes I have never seen (and keep in mind, I am twenty-seven). Everyone has a voice (Facebook, Twitter, etc) and are more concerned with what other people think of them as opposed to what makes them happy and content. Everybody gets a trophy these days and it is greatly hindering our competitiveness.

Lat night I sat our children down (we have four of the them and admittedly the two year old does not sit down and focus all that well......dang two year olds....) and we talked about bullying and about life and about how important it is that we do the best we can to help others. The last post I could not agree with more. I try and make sure that my kids are not on the best soccer team. My kids could probably win every science fair project.....they do not and we talk often that it is not about winning.....it is about being the best we can be! Life is a struggle for personal greatness.....not outside recognition. There is a difference.

At the conclusion of last nights talk I promised that I would be at the school to talk to the Principle about what we had discussed as a family. At lunch I made good on my promise. I was shocked......shocked at what that principle told me and what she said....wins her a GOLD medal with me.

(prior to telling you what she said, our own elementary school suffered the loss of a mother who took her own life Monday morning as a result of a hard divorce. Our Laramie County School District No 1 has had plenty of painful loss the past month. We lost a teenager who had been in a car accident, left her car and froze to death at the doors of the high school.......why?)

Our Principle said (paraphrased) How much better off would be if we all went to Church? (shocked mouth hanging open......a school administrator just mentioned church in a positive way.....Amen!) How much better off would be if our families sat down and had dinner together? (second shocking comment in a row....mouth hanging wide open....like I have been struck twice in a row). Topping it off; How much better would be if we had more parents that sat down, like you (like I did) and actually TALKED to their own kids without relaying on a school system to do it?

To the last poster.....you are right.....too many free rides, too many gold medals, not enough focus, not enough time at home, not enough meaningful interaction and this is not the fault of our system, or teachers or administrators or bullying. It is the fault of us as parents, mentors and teachers to sit down and be mentors, parents and teachers.....it is our fault for not standing up to our kids, letting them feel some pain, helping them cope with it and helping them get on with it.

When I get home from work....the first question my eight and ten year old get is; "Who were you nice to today?"

My true colors are showing......we need to return to true family values. Dinner is at 5 or 6 o'clock. After dinner, we will sit as a family, with no TV, no video games, no ipads, or Iphones and we will TALK and discuss and cry and learn and we will do it together and we will do it all again tomorrow. If we want to fix this mess, it starts tonight at 5 or 6 with dinner and a discussion.......not on the soccer field winning the next gold medal. Church is on Sunday (Saturday for some) and we will go as a family.

I am not laying blame.....I am focused on the real solution. The solution starts at home!

Just a railfan thankful for my wife, four kids, warm home and a place where we can talk and grow and share together.

JohnE.

I have noticed that. I believe self-esteem needs to originate within an individual in order to have its positive effect. Is it possible that self-esteem is being instilled rather than originating within young people? If you hand out self-esteem like candy, it might lead to a sort of obesity of self-esteem. An excess of self-esteem that has not been earned can leave a person unusually vulnerable to criticism.

John E,

Well done, It took me a while to instill "self respect" into my former teenager. But now He gets it, and is rightfully proud of what HE can DO. And he continues to do more and more all the time. Sucess does indeed seem to breed more success.

Make those young folks PROUD of what they really accomplish and they will grow up to be FINE people.

I have also experienced the sucide of a close friend and I still feel that I could have done MORE, but I will probably never know for sure. Don't be too hard on yourself, somethings just defy our ability to apply logic.

Sadly, Kevin.

I'm not in education and my wife and I were unable to have children but I've wondered if memorializing suicides is a bad idea? Kids are copycats by nature and crave attention. I can't help but wonder if one kid off themself, others see what a fuss is made of them, and the cycle goes on that way?

I am especially concerned about those adults who tell teenagers that the teenage years are the best years of their lives. Being a teenager is like being in a leaky boat in a raging rapid with no paddle. All sorts of things are happening over which you have no control. You do not want to go back in time; you may be unhappy at the moment; and you cannot see a good place for yourself in the future. While adults may envy the youth and vitality of teenagers, there is absolutely nothing else to envy. Being a teenager is the toughest job in the world, and I would not go back for anything. Twenties, thirties, and beyond are much, much better. Since this is a railroad preservation forum, I should add that your twenties, thirties and beyond are when you have the money, transportation, contacts, and kindred spirits to undertake your railroad preservation interests in a rewarding way. Hang in there!

First off, thank you John Rimmasch for bringing this "tragedy" to the community called "railfans". The old quote "if it saves one life" is very applicable here.
We live in a great nation, where everyone can take advantage of their own special "abilities", and unfortunately, this applies to "bullies" as well. In the movie, A Few Good Men, the question is asked, 'Why do you hate them so much?", the reply was "because they picked on a weaker kid".
I think the lesson here for all of us is to be aware of the frailties of human nature, that those that "bully" have special needs of thier own as well as those who are "Bullied" by them. We want to see the world thru rose colored glasses, but yet the world isn't rose colored at all.
It is vitally important that we engage our youth in conversation...whether at the dinner table, or spending "quality time" (ie..no TV or other distractions present), or just hanging out with them, getting to know them on a very personal level...to aplaud interests, to encourage communication, to help them feel accepted and a vital part of the community at large...without judgement or criticism...to be the advocate in their life.
I have two grandsons affected by Autism and Asperger's syndrome. I love spending time with them. Their outlook on life in general is so different from ours, it has really opened my eyes to a dimension I didn't know existed. Yes, they are a bit "different" from my other grandsons, but they are worth there wieght in gold to me. They are no less important as fellow human beings and deserve no less than the next man...and thankfully their parents are both fully engaged in the boys lives. The youngest of the two shares his grandads love of trains...what could be better than that?
Truly the loss of young Alex should serve as a lesson to all of us...and today at noon will pause for a moment in silent prayer for a young man who left us way too soon. Kudos to the UP and BNSF for honoring Alex at noon today. If you are in the Cheyenne area at noon today, be sure to stop for a moment, to hear those "lonesome whistles" blow.

My thoughts and prayers for the family.